Saturday, May 14, 2011

My battle with PTSD

I wanted to share with everyone why my new project “Operation You’re Not Alone” means so much to me personally. I decided to write this up after receiving an email from someone saying “You have no idea what it’s like to have PTSD who made you an expert?” well I don't claim to be an expert on anything but I felt the need to share this with you all.

I have been doing efforts to support soldiers since 2007 and have met a lot of our men and women online and in person. I have spent many nights on the phone until late hours of the morning just talking to them as they know they can talk to me in confidence and not worry about me posting names or any information publicly on here or Face Book.

as you may or may not know in 1994 I was attacked by three guys in Ottawa, Ontario and stabbed thirteen times – 11 times on my back and twice on my upper leg which still affects me to this day. The three guys that attacked me were of Somalian background and for many years after this happened when I would see people of that decent even though I knew it was just three guys I would get filled with anger and not know what to do with myself.

It got to so bad that on occasion if I was on public transit and any Somalians got on the train I would almost have a panic attack and would get off at the next stop and get on another train.
I thought I was fine and didn’t think I needed help for it but two years ago I finally had enough and it was through talking with a soldier about how he was going through the same situation when he would be driving down the road here in Canada and see an old beat up white pick up truck he would go another route or pull off the road.

I am not by any means comparing what I went through to what our troops go through but I do know what it’s like to carry something around in side with you for a long time and damage it can do.

I saw someone on a regular basis for almost two years and now am fine and have gotten rid of all my anger towards that event and think about all the positives that have come from it.
“Operation You’re Not Alone” is only a few days old, and someone said to me last night, “Your YouTube video only has 1300 views are you disappointed?”

My answer to that is “No” I have already connected over forty soldiers together via email address in confidentiality and have gotten emails from soldiers who have been through it send me their emails to give out to anyone seeking help, that to me has already made it a success whether it stays at 1300 views or gets 1.5 million views.

It has also helped me tell my story about my battle I went through in my mind for the last eleven years and typing out this blog is probably one of the hardest one’s I’ve ever written but if it helps others, then it will have served a purpose.

Please check out the Launch on YouTube:

Thank You!


  1. Wow Dave, I had no idea. Thanks for sharing your story. And for the record, I will be doing a "You are Not Alone" pic tomorrow for you to put on. Because you know how I feel towards our CF Members, etc.

    And if there is any soldier that you know of that needs an ear (so-to-speak), feel free to pass them along my personal email address (let me know and I will send it to you).

  2. Dave never be sorry to admit that you needed help.
    Also never be sorry or appologize for saying that you know what some are going may have never gone to war, but you have wrestled with a battle all your own.

    So as we have said before to you...we are here to help even if it is just to let you vent!!

  3. Thanks so much for sharing this Dave! We don't know the personal battles of others and I pray that people be compassionate and try to remember that we don't know what others have gone through or are going through. The world would be a better place is everyone would remember this.
    I respect you for the incredible job you are doing to support others and I love your sense of humor that you share with us daily on Facebook.

  4. I am So Proud and Honored to Call you not an aquaintance, but "FRIEND", you ARE NOT ALONE!!!, I met Dave Murphy down in South Port, NC., and what a wonderful man, and father. I shook his hand, and I know what my husband "does not speak about from Beiruit", I have seen tears roll down his face, & cries in his dreams or screams. And I looked at Daves smile on his face and thought, God Bless this man.NO,You are NOT ALONE AND THERE IS HELP...GOD BLESS WITH & ADMIRATION, THANKS, Deborah T. Meiners

  5. Dave, I totally agree with the above comments. I found out at the beginning of my recovery from Alcohol & drug abuse as well as learning to deal with the end of my marriage; through therapy that I was dealing with PTSD. My therapist showed the definition during one of my sessions and said "I believe this is where you are." My reaction was "but I've never been to a war." She told me that war's are fought in many different ways, we still get the symptom and at that moment I no longer felt like I was a crazy person. I also felt a kinship to all of our soldiers that are dealing with some pretty heavy cases of this. This was the beginning of my real recovery when someone told me what I was dealing with; it gave me a direction to go in. It's been 20+ years now and I am finding peace every day that I am sober and clean and close to my higher power. God Bless you, "every day you survive you are the winner to what happened to you." Love a friend always, Fran

  6. Dave, you could take out the Somali's in your story and insert Middle Eastern Muslims in my story. I developed the same feelings toward them as you do the Somali's. My feelings began while on tour in 2007, but started coming out when I got home from it and they have become progressively worse. Recent behaviour and comments by some Middle Eastern Muslims living in my apartment building have reinforced those feelings and perceptions (being jostled in an elevator the first time, and having comments about jihad directed at me while I was wearing a support the troops t-shirt the second time). Maybe I will share the story sometime but its too long for this forum. Remember you are not alone.

  7. To persevere by helping others from such a brutal attack, is something to celebrate, never to apologize for. God bless you.